I am leaving LiveJournal. For good.

LiveJournal is a brilliant provider of journals and also my very first. I want to thank Elizabeth Shadowycorner, the most brilliant girl on the planet Earth. She forced me to set up this blog and it truly changed my life. My English got better, I got to know certain people that will always be part of my life, I improved my writing and came to know myself much better. Eli, thank you. I love you.


I am leaving some very personal stuff on LiveJournal, hopefully forever. Majority of my past blog posts were made private so nobody can see or read them anymore. But it's time to move on. I want to set up a new blog, a real one, where I can browse through categories, the one that I can publish more. LJ didn't allow me this. LJ allowed me to have a journal. And I no longer want to write a post in the evening and then make it private in the morning -because it's too personal, or badly written. I have to start thinking about more important issues - now, when my English is more readable.

I am not gonna change my writing style. Sometimes I need to express some certain thoughts about my life and make them public. Maybe if I knew all people that read it, I wouldn't write it. Whatever. I don't care so much because I write in English. And there aren't many people that I know personally who would be willing to read in English.

I also thank all my LJ friends who remember me from the time when I actually cared about them and their blogs and often posted comments. I am sorry that I stopped. It just wasn't possible for me anymore to keep the track of everything and I lost the courage to write only from time to time.

So for anyone that is actually interested to follow my writings, please bookmark my new blog:


http://lenkabliss.wordpress.com/

See you there. Farewell :)


Info about my LJ blog:
Date created: 2005-08-04 18:13:02
Journal entries: 203
Comments: Posted: 1,033 - Received: 426

It’s on a day like this when I lose my smile for a little while, and ask myself why this world is not able to accept new forms of art and embrace new art in general. The world and those panicky people sit in front of televisions and accept whatever shit the totalitarian corporate mindfuck will offer them. I thought that the Internet would replace that. The Internet offers you extremely huge directory of new artists – musicians, photographers, painters, directors, etc. Yet what happens is that we seek out on the Internet what was offered - lyrics and songs by Rihanna, even if all she sings is repeated “Ela ela eh eh eh…” And there are even worse “artists”.

Then there is a second group of people. Those, who cling on their childhood/teenage heroes for the rest of their lives. You know - big names and everybody has at least one of them acclaimed as their favorite. The Beatles, Pearl Jam, The Rolling Stones…. I won’t name any other. You know exactly what kinds of bands I mean. They were (are) big, they were revolutionary, and they changed our lives - more or less. They deserve to be praised and put on high pedestals for their enormous talent and courage, etc. This cannot be denied.
Even if some of these groups are no longer active, people keep listening and I personally think that my kids will listen to some songs by them, too. And they’ll probably like them but refuse to say so because it’s not cool to listen to the stuff your parents do.

So. This was written to prove that I strongly agree that these bands should be part of our dose of art. But what bothers me is that many people never moved on even when The Beatles era is over. There won’t be any new songs by great John Lennon. No Curt Cobain will ever write another great “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.

Even if what existed before was great we should move on. Don’t say no. New artists deserve that. It’s like we refused present-day toilets because we used to have outhouses.
There won’t ever be a new Curt Cobain, John Lennon, Eddie Vetter or whoever else but there are new names to be sought after. Aren’t you just so hungry for some art? Don’t you wanna move on? Aren’t you fed up what the tube and MTV offer you? Browse through that huge directory and find yourself a piece of good art. It *is* cool to have unknown names in your list of favorite music on MySpaces, iLikes, LastFMs, Facebooks, LJs and anywhere else.

I don’t want to impose equality between artists. Some artists do deserve more attention or fans than the others. On your way of discovering new music or art, you’ll find a lot of shit, too. Just because it’s very easy to make art these days. But just as in life, we cope with shitty situations just to indulge in one moment that will fulfil our souls. Simply because the hard way it’s worth it even more.

For me, it’s heartbreaking to see all those struggling artists. It’s heartbreaking to think that only few people in the world have heard their songs today. It’s heartbreaking to know that somebody simply doesn’t care while this means the world to me. On the contrary it’s comforting to know that some artists are satisfied if their art means something at least to those few people. But still…

I’d like to say that I admire you all out there who try every day to write a new song, to catch a new tune, to make art all by yourself with great sense of pleasure during and especially after that. I hope there are many fans that are grateful for this. I am one of them. I thank you and admire you. Because I wouldn’t be able to do the same.
I would probably have to be one of the best to find some strength to continue. I’ve tried this out with movies. My videos weren’t any good. It gave me pleasure but I was never satisfied. But it was different cuz I used just what I had, so usually out of nothing I created something.
But I have had many, many great ideas for music videos. Oh geez, how great they would be if I were able to do them with what I have. How many great projects I have in my mind to be done once. But with the opportunity to make art comes the responsibility of making it good.

Thank *you* for making brilliant piece of art. I hope that in time it will mean much to more people just like it means to me. I hope they will have a constant smile and a great warm feeling for 40 minutes just like I have.
And for the rest of you - seek out for new artists, please. Some of them are damn good. Don’t just add them to your friends; that’s almost pointless. Add them to your MP3 players and iPods. That’s no pressure but you won’t regret.

I’ll finish this all with Marketa Irglova’s speech from the Academy Awards show. Maybe you haven’t heard it yet. Marketa and Glen won the Oscar for their song Falling Slowly from Once. Highly deserved. And this post was mainly about music and movies. And the movie Once perfectly connects both.

“Hi everyone. I just want to thank you so much. This is such a big deal, not only for us, but for all other independent musicians and artists that spend most of their time struggling, and this, the fact that we're standing here tonight, the fact that we're able to hold this, it's just to prove no matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible. And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream and don't give up. And this song was written from a perspective of hope, and hope at the end of the day connects us all, no matter how different we are. And so thank you so much, who helped us along way. Thank you.”

The month of Art is here again. I take my daily dose of art every day throughout the year but truly; March is for me the month of Art. Last year, during the period of March Solitude I took the best pictures ever and I heard my most favorite song ever for the first time.

And this year, on 1st March I woke up extremely happy. There’s no snow and no rain but beautiful Sun shining through even to the deepest and darkest caves of my soul. I don’t have any particular reasons for this state of mind but the life of art is the art of life.

March is also a very important month for me this year since I have a lot do to. But there’s almost no school, because I am having now a week of Spring break, then I have the Bartender’s course for a week, then I’ll be at school for three days and then again we have Easter vacation. Great! Lots of time for Art! : ))

Even though most of my blog posts have rather personal streak, this one is even more personal. I want to make my To-Do-March-List public so I will take it more seriously. :D

So here’s what I am going to do today, in coming days, weeks until March is over:

Next week to be done:
-    The Bartender’s course
-    Finish watching Manufacturing Consent and re-watch it
-    Burn CD’s for the teacher
-    Make a project about Fast food for Management
-    Other school assignments
-    Start & finish reading Tom Perrotta’s Little Children
-    Write HR manager Helen to get my taxes back
-    Write a short story for Literature
-    Prepare the best and the last issue of school magazine
-    Write a review of our school for school bulletin
-    Update my CV (in both languages)
-    Write a book review for State Exams + 4 more books for SE
-    Visit majority of headmasters of Presov high schools

 Successfully done:
-    Copy & back-up all important blog posts
-    Listen to NPR All Songs Considered shows + live gigs
-    Help my folks in Youth Parliament
-    Book flight tickets to Bristol - 29th May - 1st Sept.
-    Enjoy Monday’s massage and book another one
-    Finish reading Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity
-    Back up all my data from Mac
-    Make an order in my Mac
-    Watch Dead Poets Society once again
-    Accounting homework
-    Call Biba to get job (translating other menus for restaurants)
-    Translation exercise for language school
-    Do some TOEFL exercises
-    Shoot videos and take pictures

Constantly progressing throughout March / to be done by the end of the March:
-    British Studies
-    American Studies
-    Go to hairdresser for cool hairdo :D
-    Stop biting my lips
-    Study German
-    Study Spanish!
-    Keep my room clean and tidy
-    Exercise a lot
-    Regularly visit Lubka and other friends
-    Gain some extra knowledge with the help of Adbusters and other web sites
-    Discover new music
-    Listen to the best music ever
-    Visit my cinema manager Marcel to ask for some job


But most of all:

-    Be with my friends, soak up the lovely air of March, talk to my sister, enjoy life and just simply be!


It’s gonna be a great month!!!

My life has been filled with art these days. I finally found strength to accomplish some tasks that clung onto my soul and had become a burden for me. Suddenly my life becomes lighter again.

I breathe in the air of lovely spring sunny days, listen to the best selection of music I’ve ever heard and I become submerged with beauty and art. The more of it I embrace, the lighter my life becomes, and the easier is for me to cope with ugly things that life brings. I simply take what comes for what it is.

All right, enough of my egoistic views of the world. Let’s talk about beauty. I will quote Charlie Chaplin now: “I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it has fulfilled its purpose.”

Then why teachers try to force their old visions of beauty? Why they even force us to explain what an author meant by this or that when after all they tell us “THE TRUTH”? It really pisses me off. Any kind of art – pictures, photos, poems or songs must be explained either directly from the author or the best way is when we use our endless imagination and embrace the art in our own unique ways.

How beautiful is to ponder what a simple “Tattoo Angel” might mean. Is it something bittersweet? Does the author try to imply that something or someone is angelic yet controversial, bad, against rules? I could go on and on with any example. The truth is that anything and everything might be right. The author might have just used it because it was simply nice to write “Tattoo Angel” or it rhymed with next line.
This is my vision of embracing the art as a whole.

For three years I’d been able to express any ideas and feelings from a poem that I had read. The Slovak literature teacher would finally tell us what probably author wanted to say by some particular lines and expressions but he always added that anything from what we had said might have been perfectly right, too.
Alas, I am told differently at school this year. Different teacher - different rules. And how sad it is when I have to rely on his perceptions of art and beauty.

Slovak school system needs a revolution. If there is no change, sooner or later we will become completely illiterate and unable to express any feeling that we have. Instead of beautiful ponderings about “Tattoo Angels” we will only think what to buy. And when people stop thinking about art and embracing it, those few struggling artists will stop to struggle and buy new branded shoes.

There are plenty of movies we list as our favorites. We get to watch them few times a year or once in a while on special occasions. Somehow we do get back to them from time to time. To movies that touch us deeply and profoundly, in some quirky way – the story might remind us of some particular situation in our lives, the character may go through the same things as we do, we may just love some movie because of the actors, the director, set of the movie or just due to one quote or moment.
All in all, movies are definitely one of the greatest forms of art; the art that is well sold. Most of all, movies are great tool of getting a message out.

We all have movies that we love as well as ones that we don’t like very much. There are definitely movies that we would never watch again because they didn’t even interest us the first time.

On Tuesday morning, at 5 AM I discovered that there is a third option. I loved the movie and I wouldn’t be able to watch it again. Is it sick? No, it’s SiCKO.

Michael Moore’s latest documentary SiCKO had me crying most of the time. You might be against Moore’s movies because he exaggerates, he fibs, he tells us half-truths; he uses touching stories to make us crying, deceptive editing tricks, emotionally charged rhetoric. Oh yes, he sometimes does. Undeniably, he is still the most successful documentary filmmaker ever.
And as I previously said in some post, we need people like him. We need somebody who tells us directly, very loudly and gets the message to everyone so finally we all listen to the message. We need these extremes.

SiCKO changed my life and opinions the way I didn’t want them to be changed. I needed it, though. I am not gonna say anything about the contents of the movie. You either can watch it or not. And make your own opinion. But all I can say to the issue is simply this:

1.) Whatever all those right-wing people say, I doubt he meant to try to set the communism when he just points out to the universal health care. It’s pretty obvious that these American right wing guys had never lived in communism and probably will never ever know what communism was all about.

2.) When we talk about things we would never want to lose, or things that are most precious to us, we usually mention: family, friends, health, love, career, money. Most of the cases would be in the very same order.
So let me put it like this: Can we try to make some money from having a sister? Can we sell our friend? What if we paid somebody to love us? Nonsense. Even MasterCard or Visa (I don’t remember) had commercials about “going on dinner with your spouse– “100$”, buying her/him flowers – “10$”, her love – “impossible to pay”.” (Let’s put away some artificial love, all right?).
So, got it? I am not much into “ the take from rich and give to the poor thing” but still…we’re talking about HEALTH. It has to be universal.
Among the people starring in SiCKO, there are some 9/11 volunteers who even got sick while helping during that time (problems with breathing, etc.). Are volunteers being paid? Well, I am a volunteer and I haven’t received a penny, yet. And I won’t. Volunteers are rewarded in a different way. So how could these people (who have been concerned more about the others than themselves) afford some health insurance?!

3.) I live in the country that has the universal health care. I could shoot a similar movie and point out to the disadvantages of the system. But this is the problem of Slovakia. Great Britain doesn’t have such problem (judging by the experience I actually had in GB). We don’t have the best health care on the Earth but everybody has a right to demand a proper health care in Slovakia. And if you’re wealthier, you can as well buy a better health care for yourself, buy a better specialist… whatever.

4.) I can’t imagine that I would have to pay enormous taxes *and* health insurance. What is it called again? IN SURE ance. It means that it’s SURE that the care is gonna be taken of you. But how come that Moore could find people who aren’t very sure of their insurance? And he certainly could find more examples.
My best friend has serious problems with her knee because she had an accident. Could she ever afford a good health care if we didn’t have the universal health care? Would she have to go through such things like the first guy starring in the movie?

My final statement is: I never want to go to America until these important issues change. I don’t want to risk my life, or risk going into huge debts because I believed in the country and those few unique people who definitely live there. However, I’ll probably never tear the American Flag off my wall for I will always be somehow proud of this country. And I hope that some people in America will some day realize that the land once belonged to the natives and only after that it has been the land of everybody. They are Americans but most of them came from all over the world. Since it is universal country, it should have universal health care for everybody, for the rich and the poor.
Because if anything in this world matters then it’s definitely our own lives and lives of our friends and all the others.
And it’s essential to realize that we are not a “holes-in-the-wall” or “money machine people” but we are just people. Even though we all want money and need money, there is something more important in our lives. What? You know what. Just fill in that blank space if you already haven’t.

The word perfectionism has always been a bit negative for me. I’d always imagined a neat person who had everything in an order and a person who was very disciplined. Obviously, these things have been always unknown to me.

It probably doesn’t happen very often that a person honestly admits that he or she is perfectionist. It happened to me in October, though. It was really unbelievable to hear it from a guy who has birthday just two days before my birthday. You know, I am much into those astrology things as far as signs are considered. Any description about Aries just fits me. I have times when I just read my yahoo horoscopes every day.

In that bleak October I really got what perfectionism means. I still consider it as something negative. For me it’s a state of mind where mess is forbidden, where strict rules in ones mind are created, the rules of how this or that should be, et cetera.
Seeing the entire music collection in an alphabetical order not only reminded me of Nick Hornby’s character in High Fidelity but also it reminded me that this guy can’t be Aries because I am not the same way at all.

My room is in constant mess, the only collection that is in an order are my movie magazines Premiere and organized chaos is always welcomed in my life. It took me a long time to realize that perfectionism doesn’t only mean having my album collection in an alphabetical order.

I am far worse kind of PERFECTIONIST. I really am. And I guess I fully realized it just a week ago. I am the kind of perfectionist who needs to have an order in its mind. Everything around me can be in a mess but not me.
I always need to be 100%. That is connected with my stubbornness that is also common for Aries.
But this is just really really bad. If something is not according my vision I get very nervous, sometimes angry or sad and finally I may as well fail to do something because it was not going the way I wanted it to go.
Due to perfectionism, I lose my self-confidence, I lose my optimism, I lose my enthusiasm very quickly. I am too hard on myself at first place, while in the end I easily give up.

I could provide thousands of examples. And sometimes I wish I didn’t understand myself so well. Even though it might be easier for me to work on my flaws it is still something that I am unable to do myself and I need the help of the others to constantly encourage me and support me.

So perfectionism might be one of the major characteristics of Aries sign. And for me, it was important to admit it after a long time. And I have one more thing to admit – I am probably a moody person. And how sad that is… because I used to hate moody people. Cuz you can never really please them.

So I promise to work on my flaws as well as to learn to love myself. Because how can I expect somebody to love me when I don’t love myself? And after all, uniqueness is what simple is and that’s perfect. : )

You bear such weight... so called healthy life... Do what the doctors say - one dose each day.

There is nothing more painful than seeing someone you love loving someone else. But there is nothing more rewarding than seeing two people you love, loving each other. When the two of them got together and when I came from the UK and they told me - I was really just fucking happy. Both of them are romantics that you see only in the movies, both of them are my friends, both of them are beautiful souls. The story begins.

In exactly two months time, I will be 19 years old. Not much, but enough. I've never really realized that I was 17 long time ago. Now I see that I am not ready to live fully, to enjoy life and to bear all the weights and take the consequences. I try not to be a morose type, depressive character because people aren't used to it with me. People hate to see me that way and avoid me when I am down. Quite understandable... who would like to share the negative energy?

I never really believed John Lennon when he said "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". I am coming to the point of that quote. Sooner or later I will get such news from my friends more often. They will all start to get married, they will have their kids, they will go through difficult life crises.
Where will I be? Where will the news come to? Will I endlessly care about me and my life and me and my happiness? What do I really want?

I want to fucking feel. I want to fucking be there for someone. Instead of this, I've been making the Grand Plans for my life. I've been talking about carpe diem and enjoying life while all I do is living in the future which is the only open thing that brings me some hope. And living too much in the past or in the future means that you lead a stressful and unhappy life.

But this period of life also means that the roller coaster is not broken and there will be a time when I can live fully and love somebody just as only I can love. Because outside of all the grand plans in my life, love is the only thing that matters.

So with all my love I have, I send those two love. Because they taught me to accept their life decisions and proved me that even a 17 years old boy or girl can be fully responsible for their actions, moreover that no matter how long they know each other, they love each other unconditionally and they want that baby and get married. And I'll be standing proudly beside them and learn from them. And the girl will reply me, just like she did today, that it's not her or them to learn from but the life itself.



"And do what the teachers, who don't want to teach us; and do what the doctors, who don't want to treat us and do what the preacher say."

Just few pics from recent Youth parliament training last weekend. It made me motivated again, while what we had today during the meeting just demotivated me again. Fuck it. I am into movies.

So, this is my first serious video made for school. I shot it in November so my camera skills are very poor, lots of things would have been done differently if I had a chance now. But this is a very good way for me to get better in shooting and editing at the same time.

So if you'd like to see Slovak teachers and students preparing some food, watch this :) More videos are going to come soon. :)

It happens on the days like this one when I realize that it's time to get stuck in a second gear for a while. If I haven't done it already, I would be now living on 6 hours sleep in 48 hours. Instead I decided to be little bit weak and slow down for a while so I got up at noon while others are struggling at school.

I am making one big mistake in my life. I still haven't learned how to organize my time efficiently. If I am given a lot of time, I only goof off and when there is little time left, I get nervous. Meanwhile I do things that are good for me - learning bit of Spanish, reading books, browsing Universities, or working with videos. I do a lot of things that are taking my time very quickly like pointless checking of myspace or presov web page or youtube.

Time is the school in which we learn, Time is the fire in which we burn. We all burn little more quickly than it's needed. I don't want to burn in my time, I want to seize my time. Though the more I talk about it, the more I realize it, the less I seem do be doing that. I am part of the crowd of people who know what they shouldn't do but finally they end up doing that.

This week is one of the most difficult as far as exams, assignments and so on. I've fucked most of them up because I gave up. Since I had the attitude of being strong, even without good night sleep and do it all this week and it didn't really work, I am slowing down now instead.
After all, the week from 13th - 19th January is SLOW DOWN WEEK.

Too bad that I noticed it today. I would maybe have different attitudes because I need to be reminded that life is about something else than constantly catching up. Times are different and different times have different requirements. And different people have different requirements. But we all are given 24 hours per day and we need to decide what to do with the time that is given us.

I don't know where to start but tomorrow is a brand new day of Slow down week and I need to figure out the way from wasting my time.
For the rest of you - you have to check http://www.adbusers.com for the Slow down week video or click here: http://blip.tv/file/593469/


Anyway, I don't write much now, or I often delete my posts because I figured out that even when the idea of the post is good I don't know how to connect the ideas so it would make sense. From time to time it works out but most of the time is just one excited idea and nothing else. So I won't write unless I know that it's worth reading. Gotta go and do something...but slowly. :))

Contemporary world pushes the limits out of bounds. We become a nation that chases after material things like dog chases after the stick. We haunt the stick until we get it and if we can't, we are nervous, angry and demand something as the replacement. We talk about things we see but we don't want to see the real truth behind. We don't want to read behind lines, instead we gladly receive shallow "facts".

From a totalitarian system we decentralized the capitalistic power to thousands of big corporations. We can't stop it now because we can't stop somebody who has a lot of money it seems. We can't destroy the hitler movement because there is no tangible leader of this.

Let's face the truth, though. I don't have enough knowledge to talk the way I do. But I dare so. How many people dare to say things they have absolutely no knowledge about and they may as well be very "important" people like politicians.
All in all, I decided to reduce my anxiousness a bit because I can see very clearly that I am more problem of this than a solution. However I am glad that I am becoming aware of these issues and that is an important step for everybody.

Being aware of: Advertising. Celebrities. Beauty industry. And whole chain of things that advertising produces.

This is where my mission finishes. Everything else is up to you. We are free people... but... Are we really free?


Adbusters is a magazine (seems like a book to me though) that is completely anti-corporation. Even if I tried to explain what you could find there it would be meaningless. The best what you can do is to buy a magazine, read it and your life, your viewpoint will never be the same. It's a good way to question ourselves and to see whether we are, like others, the ones who create cancered society.

Though it's a bit of extreme magazine I guess it's perfectly right. We need extremes. We are born to be surrounded by extremes. From an early childhood we don't listen unless our parents yell at us, or worse unless we have to learn from our mistakes.

We need Michael Moores, Al Gores and other people like that who point to problems in an extreme way. We love extremes.

Without music, life would definitely be a mistake. Whether you like classical, indie, alternative, rock, metal, opera, emo - whatever. The music is undeniably part of our life, the part that it's needed. Any form of art is needed in our day-to-day life and the more art we embrace the more fulfilled our soul becomes.

Though I value all forms of art, there's one I value the most and love the most, the one I already mentioned. Music. And while I am not a big fan of metal, rock and pop kinda stuff I will talk about music I know, music I can distinguish, music that is my savior and my friend. Indie, Alternative, Acoustic and kinda folk in a way.

I could never be a critic though. I simply know what I like and if I don't, I just don't listen to it. And I never care what other people think. I listen to the stuff that most of the people here in Slovakia have no idea about and I'm proud of it. Although to be honest, I probably wouldn't be able to plug some big speakers and play my collection to the audience that don't care or don't understand the music. I would feel naked.

However, I want to speak to the ones who know what is music, who appreciate music just like I do. I've been thinking about this many times actually. How people go for big bands and stay with them. It was my case as well. I love Coldplay. They have millions of fans. And they deserve them all if not even more. I was listening to them 3 years ago and I never chose anything else, maybe except Radiohead. I really don't want to underestimate their music because it was all worth it but when I was given my first "magic" CDs with other indie, alternative bands I was left astonished. I never tried to search for them though I longed for something like that a lot.

And it all started. Belle and Sebastian, The Decemberists, Arcade Fire, Badly Drawn Boy, Bright Eyes, Damien Rice, Camera Obscura, Snow Patrol....and lot more artists who are, too, worth mentioning.

My music taste has broaden and never stop developing and searching for new, great bands and artists. I have made a lot of playlists for all kinds of different moods and times. Music and the music itself can bring me back to certain times like when I was working in the restaurant Kepasa two years ago and listened to "Get my away from here I am dying" by Belle and Sebastian, or when I was in England and listened to "I remember" by Damien Rice. I could certainly provide more examples.

Just a month ago I started to listen to Math & Physics Club. I've had them in my collection for over a year and half but never really listened because of their name :D Math and Physics? That can't be any good. My least favorite subjects at school and how can a band add them to their band name? :D
But now, in the school year when I don't have any math or physics anymore, I gave them a chance and they became my most favorite ones.

But I am still thinking. and that should have been the main idea of this post: How many *great* artists are out there struggling for a little audience? How come that some bands have so many fans and some, just as good, don't? Why so many people choose just U2 and nothing else? Why some bands deserve the audience and get it while the others don't? Is it just a matter of luck?

I myself mentioned one of the bigger names of smaller audiences like Damien Rice. But he used to be just another "small" Irish singer. Just like Glen Hansard who is now cinema star due to small independent but great movie Once.

There are so many great "small" bands to be found. I suggest we all used our searching computer engines and found another artists and give them a chance to convince us of their greatness with music. I believe we all find another small piece to fulfill our soul.

I am watching the best movie ever ONCE and I had to stop it for a while and capture my thoughts cuz I think they are worth a small post.

Today I've started getting more info about Universities I want to apply next year. For a while I got really depressed and thought that I wouldn't be taken to any of the universities I want to apply for. I have so many things to choose from whether it's film industry, management, economy, politics, mass media, and thousand of other schools.
But I tend to look in the future. Will I really enjoy the work as a manager? Will I love the background of politics? Do I want to step in the mud called mass media? Or do I want to create something meaningful?

My sister told me not to give up in advance. And she is right (after all her ex-boyfriend's brother is studying there :D). I want to apply for Bratislava University - Film and TV faculty. I have the best chances for production and distribution  because I need to have some knowledge about economy, management and movie together and I have that all. Though if I am given the chance to choose, well, I want to be either director or cameraman.
As a director I could make my visions real with the help of other brilliant people and as a cameraman I could shoot things that only I can see and the way I see them through my eyes. But I need to do ridiculous amount of work and only few people are accepted.

Moreover, will they take someone from Hotel Academy? How many students from Kosice's high school of film industry will want to apply for the same thing and they really have knowledge and works they need.
I know this from my ex boyfriend who will finish the same year as I will and he said he would apply for that school.

It sounds like a dream anyway. I don't believe I can make it but I should at least try. Because I want to apply for that school really. If my music videos turn out good then I will have at least something to be proud of.

I also want to take TOEFL. Who knows, maybe I'll write that with very good score. Then it will be worth to try Oberlin or some other American university. I invested so much time and energy into that idea last year so I should finish at least something.


Once, the movie I really love, reminded me of my usual procrastinating. I wrote a huge to do list for this winter vacation and I've done some things already. I was procrastinating for a long time past these months and there is much I need to finish. At least some video, that video project for school, some new scenes for music video, learn some more Spanish, learn whole American studies for State exams and much more. And I really feel like doing it all now. I know I will feel satisfied when I get back to school with time to start new things cuz I am finished with the old ones.


And once again the idea of seizing one's potential comes to my mind. And I'll never give up that truth no matter what people say.
How many people are very talented? But actually they never seize their potential. They sit behind their pints of beer, or have unsatisfying jobs...Maybe they are very creative but they don't have that "get up and go" attitude...
And you hear them saying "Once I get enough money....", "Once I get this little business set up...", "Once I get my great script written, I'll be brilliant..."
But none of them is actually doing it... They could be great but they just put it off and keep procrastinating.


I have a lazy nature sometimes while on the other hand I am sometimes very ambitious. I have to find a balance and I can do nice memorable things. I really don't want to be even first Slovak woman president, or great News speaker, or spokesperson, or whatever. I want to create. And if that school doesn't work out I won't give up. School actually can teach me some certain styles so that I can lose all the uniqueness. So even if I have other respectable job, I will keep trying. I will buy a professional camcorder, I will buy a Mac Pro, I will buy the Final Cut, I will get together with great people and I will create. ONCE. For sure. :)))

:)


Well maybe its time to change
A choice that you can make

I've been talking about making a music video for a long, long time. The visions I have had are all capable of being done yet I haven't found enough time to finish any of them. YET.
The first one will be done during the summer in England as it should have been done last summer. This time I am going to England with Veronika, my very good friend so we will have a lot of time to roll on the ground. Moreover, that girl has brilliant ideas.
The second one is now in process. I barely can write because my hands are frozen. But I know this was a good idea, to start making that particular music video in this terrible weather when snow is turning to rain.
We've done couple of scenes today in an hour and I guess they worked out :) I'll do something alone in Bristol during Christmas and maybe before or after I'll visit Kosice when there is a lot of snow.

I am quite sad that I don't have enough time to make all of it and then edit. But I am starting to take it seriously. Though first project I have in my mind is some kind of documentary about our school's Eurocup - junior bartender's competition. Great help and support I have from my lecturer Nando and the collaboration is very good. Only if I had more time to edit all of those small videos and finish the "documentary".



Other that that everything is far from perfect and it will never be. Sometimes I even have to get high to cope with that. But it's all my choice.

Keep your fingers crossed for me with the videos. I hope they'll turn out to be successful and at least a bit the way I imagine them to be. Those songs deserve the best even though I am not sure whether the artists too.

Milan Kundera's book Life is elsewhere is coming to its end. I've always read the most touching parts in buses, on the way somwhere, during various breaks, or at "work, practical training - labor prison". And what happens is that when I get off the bus and the book is in the bag, emotions burst out of me and cold weather freeze my tears on cheeks.

Then you come home and your mom is awaiting you at the door. You gotta pee so much that you don't even listen her "hello" and shut the doors of bathroom loudly. When you got out, with your jeans in your hand, with your jacket still wearing, you hear your mom saying "Guess what happened". She is holding her mobile phone and you suddenly know what. Despite not communicating with her about important things for such a long time, you simply know... it's your mother, after all.

He called. He is out of prison. His wife is dying. He had lost all of his property except the house. An old soul is desperately longing to hear another old soul, the soul very well known, the soul that wants to hear "I am surrounded by chickens". The soul that is suffering similarly as the other side; one is suffering from fear of the death, the other one of dying alone.

I am touched. I am happy as well as I am sad. I feel like crying. But future may bring certainty, for old souls.

And because only two people may truly understand if they had ever listened to this story carefully, I am finishing this to confuse the others.

What poet never dreamed of his death? What poet never painted it in his imagination? Must I die? Then let it be by fire. Do you think it was only accidental play of imagination that induced Jaromil to think of a fiery death? Not at all. Death is a message; it talks; the act of dying has it own semantics and it is not unimportant how a man dies, and in which element.

I don't care how or when I die. Though let it be with music. Let it happen while I hear those pleasant sounds. And may my funeral be a concert, of all my most favorite songs, may all of my friends come and celebrate what once lived.

I truly love the works of Milan Kundera.

Maybe it's time to face the real world and bring up some news to my blog. And I usually start blog about normal things with sentence "Today I woke up..."
So I can only hear what it might be outside of my windows, though it sounds like hard rain with small drops of snow or something but I can't be really sure because my curtains are down.

I hate this weather so much anyway. It makes my moods change more often, it usually makes me sad rather than happy and it usually happens in no time. But my real outer world is going well. Just lately I figured out that even though your outer world grows, and you are damn successful, it doesn't really matter. Because as long as your inner world sucks, you won't be happy much. And that happens to me. I nurture my soul with good books, good movies, great music, basically art of any kind and it is still less that what I have known.

And there is the problem. I've always used to be hard on myself in things that mattered to me. Now I always demand even more - 110% from myself in almost everything. And that is the reason why I can do only up to 30%...  Because I can't be perfect, world cannot be perfect and even though I, in theory, understand it; I cannot do it practically...

But no matter what, my major interests of outer world thrive. Youth Parliament is from the point I am leader going onwards with huge steps. I don't really want to brag and take the credit, it is just that my team wants to go onwards and we work on it.
I was on some kind of training during this weekend. I have already been on this one so new people in Youth Parliament were trained and my major members, 3 girls, were with me in one room, eating, creating and developing. It was amazing how much we had done overnight and how much we enjoyed it.
The result is solution of one problem inside of Youth Parliament, two projects written, one has 10 000 euros budget.
And even though it is not our major interest to have respect and being known among not only Presov polititians, or Major, or citizens...it becomes to be real. So from non formal group we are slowly developing apolitical partnership between city itself and young generation.


And while I have these things in my head, my soul is with my sister for she will have her first flights in few days. Cairo, Jakarta, Paris just before the Christmas, Riyadh, after Christmas to Brussels.

I want to share with you the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time. I was reading this in the bus on my way home and it took my breath away. I've read it many times ever since then and it's really a piece of Art for me.
And if you can recommend me some books by American or British authors of any time, please do it, I need it for my state exams from English. Thank you.



In those days he began writing a long poem. It was a narrative poem about a man who suddenly realized that he was old; a man who found himself deserted and forgotten, beyond the last way-station of fate:


He flees from the house, pursued by relentless Time and he rushed back to where he had lived the most intensive period of his life:


An old woman opens the door, startled from careless apathy after years of solitude. She bites her lips which had not known color for so long; with a long neglected gesture she tries to fix her sparse, unwashed hair; awkwardly she stretches out her arms to conceal from him the photographs of old lovers hanging on the wall. And then she suddenly realizes that all is well, that appearances no longer matter.


Yes, all is well. Nothing matter any longer, neither wrinkles, nor shabby clothes, nor yellowed teeth, nor wispy hair, nor sagging skin, nor bloodless lips. There is something far better than beauty or youth:


And he crosses the room, wearily trailing his hand over the table-top


He recognizes that she had known many men, throngs of lovers who


A long-forgotten song stirs in his soul. Lord, what is that song?


You are drifting, drifting, until nothing is left but your core, your own heart's core. She realizes that he, too, has nothing to give her, nothing firm or youtful. But


Deeply moved, they touch each other's wrinkled faces. He calls her "my girl," she calls him "my dearest boy," and they cry.


It is precisely that mutual wretchedness which they thirst after with their parched tongues. They drink it greedily from each other. They stroke each other's pitiful bodies and hear the engines of death quietly humming under one another's skin. And they know they belong to one another, completely and forever, that this is their last and their greatest love because the last love is always the greatest.
The man thought:


And the woman thought:





No, the poem had nothing to do with an old man or an old woman. If we were ask Jaromil how old the two characters were, he'd stammer in embarrassment and say they were somewhere between forty and eighty. All he knew about old age was that it was a time when person had passed his maturity; when fate had ended; when there was no longer any need to fear that terrible mystery called the future; when every love that came along was certain and final.